Positive Discpline: Toddler Style

Tiernan the toddler

Toddlers are a rare breed. Mine can make me delighted and frustrated in the same two minute span of time. I love this age. I strongly dislike this age. Are you confused yet? Me too. And it's all because of the toddler stage. John and I are working on growing our third toddler(Tiernan 16 months). We had two there for awhile (Asher was 2 1/2 and Tiernan was 1) and my hat is off to moms of toddler multiples. Since Zander was a toddler we have tried many things and here are a few that work for us:

photo by lukemiddleton

Preventative measures are sanity savers. Some parents put baby-proof locks on lower kitchen cabinets for safety, I do it for my mental health. In fact, because Tiernan has recently discovered how to open the dishwasher and oven I'm moving beyond baby-proof locks and looking for a steel door with a deadbolt for the kitchen. Or maybe I'll settle for a pressure-mounted baby gate. We'll see, I'm still shopping around. The point is preventing your toddlers from getting into things they shouldn't is more fun than finding them were they shouldn't be.

photo by James Laing

Distraction and redirection are the next best thing after preventative measures. Have a basket of special toys for those times when you need to distract and redirect. Give your toddler a toy in one hand lead them to a different area by the other hand. If Tiernan is not in the mood to be distracted my secret weapon is the high chair. I put him in his high chair (with a five-point harness, I love those!) with a little cup of water and his tooth brush and let him go to town brushing his teeth (he loves doing what he sees his older bros do). Timeouts are not affective for ages 1 to about 2 1/2 so distraction and redirection are essential.

photo by ASurroca

Structure and repetition have been known to avert disasters. When I don't eat and sleep fairly regularly I get downright cranky. When someone springs a previously unknown appointment on me 5 minutes before I'm supposed to be there or gives me an assignment that needs to be done right this second with no notice I get a little stressed to say the least. I have found that toddlers aren't any different. They love and need structure and repetition. With Tiernan I started singing Itsy Bitsy Spider to him every time I changed his diaper. This A) distracted him and B) let him know what to expect. He quickly connected the song with the diaper change and it soothed him. Because, honestly, having your private parts cold and exposed can't be very much fun, no wonder kids squirm and sometimes cry while being changed. Reading the same ending story to your toddler(or any young child) can really help with the bedtime routine for the same reasons.

What's that you say? You are not a schedule person? You prefer to go with the flow? Well, my friends so do I. I'm all about flow. I think that the hour and minute hands of the clock are far less important than the order and repetition of the events. Generally. I do find that going to bed, getting up, and eating around the same times everyday are essential for myself and my children. It keeps us happy and agreeable.

Tiernan holding my hand

Give DO directions instead of DON'T directions. I have found that toddlers generally love to help. So giving them a DO direction (Tiernan, show me how you can climb off the kitchen table) instead of a DON'T direction( Don't climb on the table) is like asking them to help you and they will be much more likely to comply. It's also more positive and if your anything like me you'll be less likely to shout or yell a DO direction than a DON'T direction. It can be a hard bad habit to change so, if you start giving a DON'T direction finish your sentence, than say it again with a DO direction. You'll quickly form a new good habit of giving DO directions.

Toddler Zander loving newborn Asher

Lastly don't expect immediate obedience, it is not realistic. But it is frustrating and discouraging. One day I was complaining about Zander's non-compliance ( he was four by the way) and my mom-in-law said to me with great love "But, Trachelle, he is just a baby. He might be four years old but he is still just a babe in his journey here on earth." I stopped short and thought quickly about the average life of a human and how that compared to his four whole years of life so far. I was humbled and grateful to realize that yes, my four-year-old was just a baby and he still had time to learn a few things.

This post is part of . . .